This post might be depressing. Sorry. Don't read it if ou don't want to.
This whole sleep thing is quickly reaching a crisis point, I think. Well, today it feels like that anyway. A lot of days are just fine...some mornings I wake up and cannot remember what happened the night before at all. Then some mornings I wake up tired and sore. Yes, sore. From rolling over and pinning Meredith down so she will stop thrashing! Ultimately, I am getting quantity sleep (which happens when you don't get out of bed until 10 in the morning), but I have not gotten quality sleep for at least 5 months, maybe longer.
I've been not worrying about it for a while, but these last few nights have been awful. It's like Meredith wakes up every hour these days... then she sometimes decides to WAKE wake up at some awful hour like 6 am and not go back to sleep for a while.
I need my 5-month old to sleep. She is fully capable of it, I know it. She just doesn't! I don't care if it's "through the night", but I need her to sleep for longer than she is. I'd even be happy with 3 hours!
And I need her to sleep in her own room.
I know what to do, I just get so exhausted thinking about it. It's so easy, if annoying, to just roll over and comfort her back to sleep in our bed, but it's going to be hard to have to actually get up out of bed and go into the next room over and over again for a while.
I'm thinking about putting a mattress on the floor in her room and just sleeping there. I know the transition will be hard since she's used to waking up and finding warm bodies next to her. It's not like she never sleeps in her crib... she will take naps in it and sometimes I can actually "put her to bed" in it.
I'm so messed up. This whole past week has been an emotional ride for me and, since he has to put up with me, Jeremy. I think the bottom line is that even though I don't feel sleepy, by body is exhausted. Which makes my brain exhausted, which makes my emotions all volatile.
As for letting her cry it out? Still not going to do that. I would feel like I was breaking her trust in me, and I can't go there. I've been reading The Baby Whisperer, and I like her approach of pick up/put down. Problem is, she says it can take like sixty times of doing that in a row to work. Yikes.
Someday, this too shall pass. In the meantime, I feel like crap. I know it will get better, eventually, but being a parent is hard. Sometimes I feel like I'm really bad at it.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I'm dying
Scribbled by Kelly at 11:19 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 Talk to me!:
We all have our days of feeling like really bad parents, trust me! If it isn't sleep, it's something else that is making you a crazed parent. One thing I know for sure, Meredith will never remember any of this and the sooner you do it, the better. I know it's hard, but babies are very trainable. It will only take a couple tough nights and she'll be doing great.
Alex responded well to the cry it out method. We didn't just let him scream in there, we would comfort him just not pick him up. It only took 2 nights and the most he cried was 30 minutes at a time. Even after they are sleeping through the night, you'll have nights when they just don't cooperate, but they do learn that when they sleep at nighttime, everybody is happier.
Good luck!
Kelly- I think you're a great parent! I am going through the exact same thing with Maggie (we even sleep in every day till ten), and after reading your blog, I'm going to check out the Baby Whisperer tomorrow. I can give you no advice since I have no idea what I'm doing, but good luck :)
Don't be so hard on yourself Kell. Every new mom goes through this. I did! GEez, Cherry was horrible cholicy and had horrible acid reflux until she was over 8 months old. I don't even know how I got through it, but I did! and now#3 is on the way. Maybe I am nuts. LOL
i didn't get Cherry into a crib for Bed time until she was 6 months old. It was easier with all the screaming, projectile vomitting and nursing to just roll over and try to take care of her. But oh man, once she was in her crib I can not believe the difference it made. She began sleeping for longer periods of time. She adjusted to a normal schedule. I felt tons better because I was more rested. I was a better mom because of it. So with Damon I made myself put him in his crib. I still loved him just as much and snuggled him all the time. And nursed him in my bed. But he went right back to his crib. and slept there. i am betting M has now figured out that she can get away with just staying with you. Esp when she cries. It is so hard, and there is nothing i hate more than hearing my babies cry. But I learned it is ok. And so did my kids. I will tell you this- There are so many habits and things we teach our kids and break our kids into. And out of all of them, the longest any of mine have taken to grab a hold of it has been 2 weeks. Habits form fast. They learn very quickly. They want routine and they need it. I'm no expert! Trust me! but I sure learned a LOT from Cherish. I don't know if this helped any, but I tell ya, make yourself do it even though you are completely exhausted. And soon enough you will have her sleeping through the night. And you will feel so much better. Huggs and good luck! Let me know if you need any help or want any advice. LOL
Holls
Only you know what is best for your child. I'm sure you will eventually get it figured out. Sometimes they relapse even after they have been doing good for a while too, and it's okay. We've all been there. Hang in there, I hope you will be sleeping well soon!
I'm so sorry! My boys both did the cry out method - we'd go in and let them know we haven't abandoned them, but it was time to sleep. We didn't pick them up, though. It WAS excruciating, I cried with Josh, because I felt so bad. However...by the time it was Vincent's turn, I knew it would keep me sane and be the best in the long run. It was over in 2-3 days of crying before falling asleep for both of them, too. Painful for mommy - I took a walk once and let Ronnie deal with it. But worth every second once they got it.
It's obvious you're a great mommy, and want the best for Meredith. Just remember your identity wasn't erased the moment you gave birth and a good night's sleep for yourself isn't too much to ask. You can do it, whatever way you choose, after all, mom's know best!
I love "The Baby Whisperer". I followed her schedule of sleep, eat, play, then sleep (Except at night when I fed her right before sleep) as long as I could and it seemed to work really well with both Gavin and Camberlyn (I didn't have the book with Jackson). But then there always comes a time when they don't take as many naps so you have to feed them again before sleep.
Just hang in there, like you already know "this too shall pass." Every baby has there thing that they have to be "trained" to deal with. I barely just got Camberlyn to stop waking up at 5:30 in the morning and to continue sleeping (it took food)- yep she's motivated by food.
It's SO hard when they wake up so often in the night. And like you said, you're so tired during the day, and your mind is exhausted. You need your rest! We used the Ferber method where you let the baby cry for 5 minutes,(in her own crib) then go in and comfort her, talk to her, touch her, but don't pick her up. If she started crying again, we waited 10 minutes, then went back in, but didn't pick her up. Then 15 minutes the next time, and on, and on. It's better than just letting them cry it out as long as it takes until they fall asleep. It teaches them to put themselves back to sleep, and also teaches them you will be there for them, just not the minute they start fussing. You can't keep doing it so many times a night, you poor girl! Like Liz said, babies are very trainable. It may surprise you how fast you can get her to sleep through the night if you use the right method. (Not that I'm saying this is the only right way, it just worked for me).
Good luck!
Post a Comment