Where I've been....

Ya'll, I'm an open book. So I'll just be honest.

I haven't felt like blogging for a while. This is pretty much entirely due to the fact that I'm struggling through some pretty heavy anxiety issues right now. I've had anxiety in the past, but not to this level, or at least that I remember being this bad. When I worked for WGU, I had lots of anxiety issues, but I think it helped that I had a super busy job that distracted me. Distraction is good. And let's be honest: there's a lot of down time as a SAHM to one, so distraction is not on my side right now. I don't get full-on panic attacks, thank goodness, but I get pretty darn anxious sometimes. Mostly in the mornings and early afternoons. Evenings and nights are fine.

I've been to two different doctors and am getting some help from medication. I'm going into my third week of antidepressants (which work on anxiety, too), and I've got some anxiolitics I can take on a temporary basis. Antidepressants can take 4-6 weeks to become fully effective, so I'm sort of biding my time. I've also been to a couple of therapy sessions with LDS Family Services, but they didn't do me as much good as I wanted them to for what they cost. My insurance doesn't cover mental health until I meet my deductible.-

The medications are working, slowly. However, what I'm mostly struggling with is how to control my anxious thoughts. I've been doing a lot of reading and research, and am finding it to be much more difficult than just "singing a hymn". My problem is that I have OCD of the brain. I get an anxious thought, however irrational it may be (and they are always fairly irrational) and I obsess and obsess and obsess. The thought just plays over and over in my head on an endless loop, to the point that I sometimes throw up. . I'm not good yet at stopping that 'recording', but I'm getting there. If anyone has any suggestions, send them my way. I could sure use the help. What works for you in controlling or reigning in your thoughts?

I'm going to be fine. I have lots of life-lines who I've been leaning on throughout the past month. I am grateful to all of you. When I'm on the other side of this anxiety thing, I'll write some more about this whole journey because I have a lot to say. I just don't feel like it quite yet....